You Know How I Like It When They Waddle, Harry

What I am about to say will shock and apall you. I strongly suggest that those with heart conditions or weak stomachs stop reading RIGHT NOW.

I, the great Christopholes, pwner of n00bs and avid fan of macho action films, have just finished watching...

March of the Penguins.

This is startling, I know, but what's worse is yet to come.

I enjoyed it.

Don't you hate it when you go to watch a movie, expecting to hate it, and it turns out to be pretty good?

Now, this is a documentary. There is no way to hide it. But it's fairly entertaining, if you have an open mind.

If you're into cutesy, this is definitely the movie for you. Even I, with my appreciation of explosions, car chases, and extended fight scenes, found myself mentally 'awwwww'ing throughout the film.

I mean, those friggin penguin chicks!

It's very educational, Morgan Freeman's voice is perfect, and it's a lot of fun to watch those birdies waddle around. All in all, pretty good.

I suggest watching it over the course of a few days. Taken all in one sitting, it might get boring, but it's nice to see penguins each day.

Yay, penguins!

Penguin.

Anywho, I give March of the Penguins a 7 out of 10.

Now I'm going to have to headbutt a baby.

And the man who once was God says, "The new life is ended, seconds after hitting the ice."

Prepare For Your DOOM

So I've seen several movies recently that I've been wanting to review for some time, but I just haven't gotten around to it. It looks like I never will, because the movie I saw tonight has driven them all from my mind.

I speak...of DOOM.

Now, I've never played all the way through DOOM 3. In fact, I never got past the first few minutes. It sucked.

The movie, however, is another story entirely.

Well, actually, I don't know if the storyline is any different, since I didn't play the game...but that's not what I was referring to.

DOOM is a shining example of machoism (and, at some points, masochism). It is also a pointless gore-fest, so I would not reccomend it to the squeamish, or the under-16-or-so.

Within the first five minutes of the movie, a woman's arm is caught in a door, and her body is then forcibly removed from the other side, leaving her severed limb lying on the floor in front of a terrified scientist.

Just to give you an idea.

The cast choice was just about perfect, even if I didn't like some of the characters. There was only one casting mistake: Rosamund Pike.

The effects were unreal, and that is meant in a very good way.

The storyline was pretty darn good, and the movie jumps right into it. There is no boring introduction. It's bloody terror and blazing guns from the very beginning.

Oooooh, I liked that BFG.

Destroyer is the ultimate He-Man, even more so than Boromir. He just wouldn't die! Not many people can be electrocuted, then turn around and heft a gigantic pipe above their heads.

Of course, the end of the movie was the best part. I won't spoil it for those of you who haven't seen it, but if you're a gamer like me, you'll love it.

Some of the dialogue was a bit cheesey, but hey, it's a movie based on a game. Duh, it'll be cheesey.

Apart from Rosamund Pike, I only have one other issue with this film. The 'super-powered' monsters were easier to kill than the civilians! Every human in the movie took far longer to kill than they should have. I mean, seriously. Being swung around through the air by your head is enough to kill you. You shouldn't be able to take being swung into steel walls, flipped around, and beaten, all the while yelling for help. Especially if half your body is already missing.

Anywho, I give DOOM a whopping 9 out of 10. If you think you're up to it, it's a definite must-see. I'm planning on buying myself a DVD so I can get a better look at some of those critters.

And the silent giant says, "A monkey. It was some kind of...monkey."

UPDATE: There must be something wrong with me. All last night, I dreamed in first person. I killed zombie-monster-people. I had a BFG. It. was. amazing.

I think I may like this movie a bit more than it deserves...