I Win The Golden Carrot!

I've got a fairly new movie for you guys!!

Any of you ever consider watching Wallace and Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit?

I highly suggest you do so whenever you get a chance. It's good stuff.

It's rated G. That is true. If you are primitive enough that you can't enjoy a movie that lacks profuse swearing, gore, and sex, then maybe you shouldn't waste your already worthless time. But if you're like me, and can enjoy something simple and funny, WATCH NOW.

I've always been a Wallace and Gromit fan. My grandmother owned all their little movie-ma-jigs, and we'd watch them almost every time we visited. To be frank, Wallace and Gromit are two cool cats.

Their stuff is good.

Good stuff.

Stuff stuff goody stuff good.

And those darn rabbits!

I love those little guys!

Claymation is the way of the future. Err...past. Um. It's cool. I was really surprised at how well they managed to capture the essence of the old W&G toons, while still improving the delivery and graphic effects. It was just like I was watching the originals, only this was my favorite of them all.

And I just realized that I haven't really said much about the movie, other than I really like it.

The animation is gorgeous. I've always been more impressed by claymation than regular stop-animation, and considering the difficulty involved, they must have had some sculpting prodigies on their crew.

The voice-acting is just about perfect. The actors match their characters so well!

The story is a good one, though a wee bit predictable.

The gags are hilarious, if you haven't killed off your inner child with a Macintosh already.

And there are several worthwhile special features on the dvd, unlike so many laaaaaaame movies. I spent a good half hour looking through them, which isn't too bad.

So now for the part you've all been waiting for, the rating.

I give Wallace and Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit 9 cheese-wheels out of 10.

Hooray for the British.

And the dopey inventor says, "You know.....more alluring."

I'm Cutting School Tomorrow...

Well, I've got a new topic to review, and a whole new grading scale to do it with! I hope you all have moved sufficiently past the edge of your seats, cuz this is gonna be big...

I'm going to review...

A DISEASE!!!!!!

Seriously! I am!

No, really.

Yes. I am.

It's a little bugger known as Tonsillitis.

I have, apparently, been victim to this foul condition for six days now, and I think that gives me enough experience to give an accurate opinion.

It's not fun.

You want an idea of how it feels? Try swallowing a coal, straight from the fire. Or, umm, look down the throat of a fellow victim.

There are two main causes of Tonsillitis. A viral infection, or a bacterial infection. By my mother's sweet green gravy, I hope that this is bacterial. This is mainly because there's no real treatment for a viral infection. I'd just have to wait until my body fought it off. Of course, that would occur much sooner than it would in your average human being, but I'm a busy man! I have things to do, places to go, FOOD TO EAT!

That's right. I can barely even eat. But more on that, later.

Bacterial infections are just as severe, but can be treated with antibiotics. I've got a bunch of them, and I'm hoping that they'll help.

If they don't? Que sera sera.

Anywho, Strep Throat, short for the Streptococci bacteria, is a type of bacterial Tonsillitis. It's not what I have, so I'm not rediculously contagious, but just so you all know.

Now, as for the symptoms. These are what the internet have to offer:

• A very sore throat with red, swollen tonsils; there may be a white discharge or spots on the tonsils.
• Swollen and tender lymph nodes in the neck under the jaw.
• A low-grade fever and headache accompanying the other symptoms.

You bump that headache up to para-migraine status, and toss in dizziness, chills, and an aching chest, and you've got what I've got. Man, it hurts so much to swallow, I've had next to nothing to eat for days! I'm living off of soup, and that's only since Tuesday!

Ugh.

Oh yeah! I've also got this cold sore, which I can't seem to get rid of, so while I was at the doctor's today, I had him prescribe me some pills for it.

Those things are ginormous.

I seriously hope I don't accidentally swallow one sideways, because if it gets stuck...it's gonna stay stuck.

Let's see...can I complain any more? I don't think so.

Guys, don't take me too seriously. I feel awful, and all, but I'm sure it's not as bad as I make it sound.

Still...I had to bust out a whole new rating system for this one. On a scale from 0 to -10, Tonsillitis, be it viral or bacterial, or whatever, gets a -7. Grrrr.

And the out-of-comission rockstar says, "I'm glad that sick kids are supposed to smell."