Racism and Kiddie Porn!

I’ve been spending a lot of time in front of the computer, lately, watching DVDs. All for your benefit.

Thank me.

Today I have seen both Guess Who and Wool Cap. Two very different movies.

I’ll start with Guess Who.

So what do you call 300 black men buried into the ground up to their necks?

Afro-turf.

Hah.

Hah hah.

This movie had its moments, but was kind of lame overall. The only thing I truly enjoyed was the “Better Half” speech and the subsequent theft of said speech.

I can’t really go into depth about what was good and what was bad, because it was all the same. It got old pretty quickly. Every other line was, “You’re black!” or, “You’re white!” I understood going in that the racial difference would be the main conflict, but you’d think they would have the decency to throw in a scene or two not devoted to racism.

In short, Guess Who is a one-trick pony.

I give Guess Who a 4 out of 10. Watch it if you have nothing better to do and someone else is buying. Otherwise, avoid it.

Now, as for Wool Cap...

I’m not usually into dramas all that much. I’m more of a blood and chuckles kind of guy. But despite my prejudices, I have to admit that Wool Cap is a good movie. Very good, in fact.

I have not seen Gigot. Perhaps I should. I still don’t think I’d like it as much. This is one of those oh-so-rare films, a remake that outdoes its predecessor. I think I’m safe in saying that, regardless of how good Gigot may or may not have been.

First of all, being mute automatically endears the main character to me, for various reasons. Second, the homeless hobo look is totally in, even though he’s not homeless. Or a hobo. Or anything like that. He’s a super. A mute super. Third...that hat...keeping it this whole time...what devotion. I have to respect that kind of loyalty.

So the main character, Charles Gigot, he’s cool. What about the rest of the movie, you ask?
Well, the story is a classic. Cripple is unhappy. Cripple gets stuck with mouthy brat. Cripple and mouthy brat develop bond. DISASTER STRIKES!

Plus it has a monkey. Monkeys are the bomb, the nuke, the WMD. Trained monkeys own all other pets in the game of cool. I want a monkey now. Had I a monkey, with a nifty little jacket and/or full suit of armor, I would never have to move again!

My only complaint about the entire movie is that the man playing Gigot’s friend is a bad actor. He only ruins a little bit of it, though.

Wool Cap gets a prestigious 8 out of 10. I’d say that if you’re open to a little drama, this one’s a buy. I mean, come on! It has drugs and child nudity! How could it possibly get any better?!

...

Sarcasm, people. Learn to recognize it.

And the garage band says, “SIX DEAD CATS IN A HIGH-SPEED BLENDER, IT’S NOW OR NEVER!”